6 thoughts on “The New Body Etiquette

  1. Kate

    Love it.

    Unfortunately my AI destroyed the part of my brain that controls metabolism, so besides being prone to putting weight on already, I just pyut more and more on. And now that I am finally close to eating what my body needs, at least as far as the food choices, it is only losing at a rate of 1# per week...and any cheats or hidden inrolerances make it shoot back up quickly. At least my mom, when she finally began to understand that,worried more about my health than my weight specifically. My dad still thinks it's just a matter of willpower, but he doesn't understand that my 4 conditions conspire to leave me without energy, not just because I weigh a lot (which is what he thinks it could all be blamed on).

    I had a friend ask me (who is dealing with the underweight side of illness) what it's like to be, in effect, soo overweight and large. She meant it, I believe, completely innocently, I know she understands that being overweight (and under) is a sign/result of brewing disease, but Woah, did that open a can of worms in my own head I wasn't read to deal with.

    I have basically had to put myself thru therapy (in my own head, but after years of it, I have a lot of experience at it) and still am not quite over it. Still not sure how I feel about her asking in the first place....

    Anyway, just felt compelled to share what has happened to me recently. Thanks for listening.

  2. I love this post. I've had people comment "out of concern" on both ends of the spectrum, under- and over-weight, and both times it felt like really awful because the true intent, while unspoken, was obvious. On the thin side, it was jealousy, and on the heavy side, it was disgust. It damaged trust in both instances and changed relationships for the worse and forever. There are so many ways to share concern and offer support for someone's health without commenting on their weight - each of us is surrounded by mirrors in an appearance-focused society, we all know exactly how we look.

    Don't Peggy Olson me, motherf*ckers! is one of the best lines of the year. Thanks for sharing it!

  3. Monica

    Thank you. I have gotten "I'm hoping I get a tapeworm" after I opened up about finding parasites while being on GAPS & AIP for autoimmunity. Comments like that make me become more wary of who I share my story with...

  4. Yes! I'm another "always thin, but now even thinner because of illness" scenario. And at both layers of that, I've heard a whole spectrum of rudeness. My husband has always been very small, too, and he used to get frustrated at hearing "you should have another dessert." He always said, "If I'd told THEM, 'you should hold off on that second dessert,' they would have been gravely offended. So why do they think this is okay?"

    And I was truly flabbergasted to see that someone posted a picture to pinterest that, no lie, said, "This --> is more beautiful than this -->" (Or maybe it said "hotter than." Same basic idea.) The first "this" pointed to a lush, curvy lady and the second "this" pointed to a very thin lady. And when I pointed out that it was offensive, about half the people who saw the image and my comment didn't get it. They really, truly, seriously believe - even after having had it bluntly pointed out to them - that it's somehow okay to say that fuller is inherently more attractive than thinner, even though they would all but jump anyone who suggested the inverse.

    It seems to have become acceptable in our society to mock and belittle thin women - even, in some cases, to the point of glorifying what may be unhealthfully heavy. We seem, as a culture, to be incapable of balance. Women come in all shapes and sizes (even when we're all healthy!) and every variation is beautiful.

  5. This is such an important topic and you've addressed it so well, Angie! I still reel from the comment made to me many years ago, "I wish had Crohn's. Then I could be skinny like you." Ouch. Like you say, that person wasn't overtly trying to be a jerk, but the insidiousness of comments regarding body mass are so problematic. And I'm thrilled you've tackled this problem head on. Thank you!


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