19 thoughts on “Insecurity: What Happens Behind The Scenes

  1. You are brave, and beautiful, and all the more brave and beautiful for being so open and honest. Vulnerability comes at a great cost. We become open to wounding. But the up side, that far far outweighs the cost, is the tenderness and openness and softness that flows on from vulnerability. You have got it! And that is why you are beautiful and brave. I applaud you for modelling a brave heart for us all.(PS I'm Lorraine, and we've 'met' on your FB page.)

  2. Thank you for sharing this, and I agree the 'staging' is something we tend to forget. We tend to forget that not everything from somebody else's life is on facebook/instagram/...

    An unstaged part of my healing process is the despair and frustration for being unable to function normally (i.e. work) and not have a solid medical explanation, while having very clear physical symptoms (mainly severe fatigue, hunger and extreme weight loss). The AI protocol seems to be bringing relief, but it requires very 'long term breath' and is the only thing that's giving me hope of improvement.

    Mainstream medicine says to 'learn to live with my limitations'. The alternative circuit, including paleo schooled nutrition experts, are giving some support. But there is no way to know where it actually went wrong or how/if and when I will be 'fixed'. It's taking a long time.

    Sharing those emotions on social media just doesn't seem like a good idea. But they are real allright.

    1. Hi Annemiek, first I want to encourage you not to give up. Keep looking for a diagnosis & in the mean time work to heal w/ diet & lifestyle approaches. Based on your symptoms, have you had a Celiac test?

      Also, I agree that not everything needs to be shared on social media. I think there is a difference between staging your life & practicing careful, thoughtful privacy.

    2. Hi, yes, I did have the Celiac tests. Apparently 'all is well' medically speaking. Just having to eat gluten again for two weeks prior to the test was very interesting though: I competely lost my heard earned ability to fall asleep and sleep without waking 4 times a night. And as soonas I was grain free, I was sleeping gine again. I would never have thought that gluten/grain sensitivities would show themselves in physical restlessness, but it was very clear. So onwards and upwards with the AI paleo protocol, and fingers crossed my nuttritionist and GP will come up with a new approach. Medically speaking, this whole field seems to be behind in the Netherlands, unfortunately.

  3. I also can't always afford to eat all organic produce either, and I don't have a local supplier for chickens so I sometimes just buy the organic chicken at Costco--even though I know they are fed the wrong diet, blah blah blah. I have even bought regular chicken when things were really tight financially. I feel like it's important to do what's best for you and your family. We are all on our own journey and no one should be judging you for your choices.

  4. One of the reasons I love your blog is because it feels so real and honest, and I thank you for that 🙂

    Yes there is staging on the internet, but there is also staging in real life. And there is also honesty and real stories on the internet. I guess the internet makes it easier though, to stage things. When I get negative feedback from people in daily life, the thought of putting it out in the open trough the media scares me just too much. One of the things I worry about very much, and tried to avoid to tell others, is that I'm not doing Paleo the right way. I get extremely hungry and feel unwell if I don't eat enough carbs. But if I have some rice (next to starchy Paleo things), I'm not doing Paleo. But I don't always get enough carbs from Paleo to feel well. When I see all these people switching to Paleo without a problem and cheering how well they feel it makes me feel like a loser. Because I can't stick to a proper Paleo diet there's often a voice that says just give up trying, because if you can't do it properly it won't work anyway (I know that's not true, but that voice is there).

    It's possible staging on the internet makes me feel worse. On the other hand, I've seen an interview with a man who is successful on his Paleo diet, but says he also needs extra carbs besides the ones he can get from Paleo food (he also occasionally has some rice) and was very open about it. To avoid the pressure of the staging I find on the internet, I am selective with what I read. And I cherish the open and honest people I have found. Sometimes I don't know if something is staged, and I love reading success stories. Well, some stories are inspiring and others are making me feel bad about myself.

    1. Elise, isn't Brene Brown AWESOME! I love that TED Talk, she was my inspiration & really helped me articulate that "vulnerability" thing. I knew it for a long time, but could never put my finger on it. Brene did a fantastic job, hence her quote in my header!

    2. Lol I feel a bit silly for not noticing the quote! But I guess it must have been in my memory somewhere, because I immediately thought of you when I saw the talk (someone on a board I'm on posted a talk by Brene Brown, and I saw it just after I read your post). And maybe your post is what actually attracted me to watch her talk, realizing I just read (in your post) about what she was talking about and making me enthousiastic about it 🙂

  5. I love this post & will be sharing it on FB today. When I interview people for my autoimmune success stories, I always ask them what symptoms still remain, because I don't want to give a false impression that we're 100% cured. We are works in progress - our healing is still awesome and inspirational - but healing autoimmunity doesn't happen overnight and rarely reaches perfection. I don't want people to feel like a failure if they're not perfect, too.

    So, what's my vulnerable admission? I still take 1 Aleve tablet morning and night. You think non-organic veggies are a gasp? How about admitting to NSAIDs? LOL. I've never hidden it, though, and I'll be mentioning it again when I publish my AIP experience post next week. I've made incredible healing progress, compared to the nightmare that was my life last year. But each time I try to go off this last miniscule dose, the inflammation ramps up unbearably. Rheumatoid arthritis is a powerful thing. Some day, I won't need it, but I can't (apparently) rush that day.

  6. I don't know how to start... for me, even those little failures you mention sound like "stage". But I can't see it from the same point of view as you, mostly because I live in Mexico.

    I never get to buy organic produce (too expensive for my budget), but I try to stick to the local markets (something we call "tianguis", were people sell all sort of things and food). I have also never eaten grass-fed meat (at least not that I am aware of), but it seems most of the meat here in Monterrey is grass-fed. I have to believe and rely on that, at least until I locate a near farm.

    It feels to me that with those flaws I can barely include myself into the Paleo community...

    More "unstaged" are my other flaws, the ones from my binge eating episodes when I am in the middle of a flare... still working on eliminating those, because it only makes the flare last longer.

    Anyhow, thank your for sharing your vulnerabilities... I think you are right about the emotional conection being an important part of the recovery process. Maybe it was some placebo effect, but when I found about the AIP, I started healing faster. And I had been eating like on the AIP for almost a month without knowing it had a name, only following my body's cues. But knowing that I was not alone, that there were people out there struggling with the same issues as me, not being able to say "yes" to that delicious cake your grandma made for your birthday, having to bare with episodes of total lack of energy... It really helped and made a difference.

    I used to think I was alone and that my body hated almost every kind of food because it had gone rogue. Now I don't, and it is mostly thanks to you and other bloggers like you (like Eileen!), who take the time to share their experiences. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who is grateful about that.

    1. Thanks Mimonne! I am happy to write for an audience like you. And don't worry about labels like "Paleo" or "AIP," just use the template that heals your body w/ the best foods you can afford & source. That is already alot of commitment to your body!

  7. Anonymous

    What a beautiful post. I'm going to pin it for those days when I feel discouraged. My inability to go totally organic/grassfed is one thing I rarely share. I do what I can and hope that it's enough. By the way, I found this post (and your blog) from Phoenix Helix's FB share. Thanks to her and you. freckles

  8. Emma King

    Vulnerability I believe is so very much at the core of my autoimmune issues, when looking at the individual holistic view of my health journey. I question myself, allow myself to be judged and internalize, that festers into a brain fog of sorts, which before I was AIP would be supported by my need for sugar! I am acutely aware of this pattern now, but it wasn't something I was aware of until I was 40, I've been dealing with auto immune issues since I was 14, so I've been feeding that vulnerability, directly and indirectly for just under 30 years.

    This year I'm trying to embrace that vulnerability, in February I started studying as a health coach to help others but particularly families deal with making changes in their lives to be more healthful, but i question - will I be good enough, will I have all the answers, will I have enough business to change my career... As i move towards the halfway mark in my course, I'm questioning if I can put myself out there... I've only told a few friends that I'm training... how can I tell the world....

    But you know what.... to evolve and grow, I know as I have done in the past, when I'm following my destiny - I have to feel the fear and do it anyway and what will be will be!

    Great Post Angie... its a honor to know you, vulnerabilities and all 😉


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