5 thoughts on “The Baby That Never Arrived

  1. Great post. I'd add something else, which is for the husband and wife to give each other time and space to grieve and think about options differently. Sometimes one wants to adopt and one does not (or is not sure), for example. Or one may take more time to accept the medical limitations. It's a tough road. We dealt with infertility (not primarily from autoimmunity, though I'm sure my celiac didn't make it any easier), and sometimes my husband and I were on different pages (he's more optimistic than I am, and fortunately, he was right, but it was definitely iffy that we'd be able to have children at all). We worked out a plan, and considered and re-considered adoption, but it took time, and trust that we were both doing our best to take into account the concerns of the other.

    I felt a lot of guilt that my first wasn't "enough." I wish I would have been able to accept back then that it was natural to be sad sometimes, no matter how much I loved my then-only. Grieving your lost dreams does not mean that you haven't also have some of your dreams come true. It's a strange place to be emotionally, I think.

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  2. Ashley R

    Hi Angie, I came over from Paleo Mom.

    Thank you for being bold and sharing your journey. In a way I feel like I was reading my own story! We've been struggling with secondary infertility for over two years, and two months ago had my right tube removed due to an ectopic (conceived naturally in November). As my fifth loss (two were prior to our son being born, he's 4), it's incredibly heartbreaking and I know what you're feeling and the grief involved (I'm preparing to give up at this point). Apparently my tube had an inflammatory disease that was caused by an undetected infection from one of my miscarriages (likely from 5 years ago since it was deemed "chronic") and my other tube is probably mostly blocked and infected also. If so (I'm doing an HSG with my next cycle), it will just need to be removed. 🙁

    I read from a FB comment that your third AI disease is a skin condition. Have you written about what you have? I have eczema and psoriasis and as far as I know they are not AI related, but I'm curious to hear what you think. Can you email me?? (reynoldsmommy @ gmail.com) I think my issue is more of bodily inflammation in general than AI (hence the damaged tube --- I've been getting unexplained deep uterine pain for about 3-4 years! I suspected inflammation and now I know I was right!!), but in some ways I'm sure they're related.

    Thank you for being so open, it really helps those of us that are truly in the thick of infertility.

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  3. Anonymous

    Men are affected too, we didn't get pregnant until my husband went off steroids for his Ulcerative Colitis, I was pregnant within a month.

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